Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
