ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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