Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
