ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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