Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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