whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
