i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
