Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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