Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
