How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
