Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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