I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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