The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
