Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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