This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
