I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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