Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
