pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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