After last night, I could never be a politician.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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