last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
