He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
