You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
