I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
