My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
