Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
