i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
