dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
