Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
