Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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