You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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