I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
