all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
