In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
