What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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