I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
