I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
