Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
