I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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