And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
