where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
