Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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