hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
