Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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