This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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