I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
