According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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