I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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