I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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