dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He passed out mid-signature
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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