i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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