My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
